Today started out great daddy’s alarm woke us all at 5:30. Not his Autumn alarm but the alarm on his phone. Which of course set of Autumn. Once daddy got Autumn off of him he was able to get up and turn off the phone alarm. Autumn however, can’t be turned off. Mommy finally put Autumn out back so daddy could get dressed in peace. I could still hear her barking her head off. Finally, daddy was ready and put our leases on so we could head out the door. This wasn’t to be a normal day instead of heading on our walk daddy put us in the car and headed off. Shortly we arrived at the park where we walked around in circles until a big truck arrived. Then in the early morning darkness Daddy locked us in the car and helped unload unknown riches from the back of the truck. After what seemed like hours’ daddy loaded a box and several bags into the trunk of the car before taking us for another walk and bringing us home.
At home daddy unloaded his bags of loot Mostly fruits and vegetables. While Aunt Linda took off and returned with Aunt Cora. This was setting up to be a great day. After breakfast we all sat around and watched TV well all of us except mommy who was recovering from Haggy throwing up on her while we were gone. I though cats were clean freaks I guess I was wrong.
After lunch everything fell apart. Mommy got up and joined us in the living room which by itself isn’t bad but suddenly mommy attacked ripping my color off leaving me naked in front of my Aunts and cousins. Then she brought out her torture tools and attacked without warning yanking my hair out until I looked like a big cotton ball and there was enough hair on the side of the couch to make a mini-me.
Just when I thought it was over mommy returned and turned the spotlight on me. Now the interrogation begins. Mommy pulled out her razor blade and went to work on my feet, belly, bum and other unmentionable area. This continued for hours before mommy drug me into the bathroom and throw me into the bath tub. Now mommy was in her real element covering me in first one and then another smelly slimy gunk. Before attempting to drown me in the shower.
After the shower mommy returned armed with her hot air gun to continued her assault. I think it’s over now I still look like a giant cotton ball and smell like who knows what. I am laying exhausted on the couch next to my wonderful daddy hardly able to write about my ordeal and post it as a warning to all dogs forced to share their home with an iCal. Beware you never know when they will attack.