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Tristan for President

Tristan for President
Posted by on May 15, 2016
Tristan for President

Let Washington know it’s time for a change vote Tristan for President.

Section 1 Article Two states that in order to be President “No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.” Tristan was born in the United States and is a “Natural Born” According to WebMD he is over “Thirty-Five” in dog years. The key here is the word person. Webster’s on-line dictionary defines a person as a human or individual. Granted Tristan may not be human but he is an individual.

Why vote for Tristan?

Only humans can vote. Therefore, congress refuses to overturn any laws that discriminate against other species. They won’t even respond to Tristan’s letters or e-mails demanding justice for the rest of us. Why are dogs denied the right to enter stores, restaurants, or even housing just because they are not humans. Everyone knows how smart and caring dogs are. After all, have you ever seen a seeing eye person or a drug/bomb sniffing one? Dogs can go to war, or join the police force even work with fire and rescue, putting their lives at risk, yet they can’t stop at McDonald’s after work for fries and a twenty-piece Chicken McNuggets unless their pet human goes in for them.

Dogs know how to deal with bad people. Just ask any police dog. Send a dog out to get a job done and it gets done the bad guy gets what he or she deserves. When congress and the president try, a lot of innocent people get hurt and the bad guys get stronger.

Tristan’s Qualifications

They say money can’t buy happiness or love and it seems all the Donald has going for him is a lot of money. On the other hand or paw, Tristan has the love of his family and lots of happiness to share.

True Tristan is not married to an ex-president nor has he served in congress or any other political post. However, he has served his daddy following his stroke, is an expert in home security and other areas making him ideal to the threats America faces.

It has been said that the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. Why keep electing a politician to the important office of President of the United States when everyone knows that they serve only themselves. We all know that politicians are for sale to the highest bidder. As a Washington Outside Tristan is not for sale, he lives to serve the downtrodden and oppressed. In fact, there is no one who is more an outsider to Washington than Tristan. He’s not only not a politician he’s not even human. He owes alliance to nobody, well maybe to his daddy.

Tristan’s Plans

If elected Tristan will push for

  1. Equality for all races and spices.
  2. Why can food stamps be used to buy candy, soda, ice, and water but not dog food? After all dog food is clearly food it says so in the name. Soda and water are drinks not food. It’s called food stamps not drink stamps.
  3. With millions of homeless dogs and cats in America. Something needs to be done! Programs like the city garbage collection which feeds the homeless pets leaving at the dump are a good start. However, America needs to do more. Tristan proposes a dog in every home and a cat in every tree program providing homes for the homeless.
  4. All dogs are aware of the dangers of the evil mailmen. They must be outlawed and imprisoned on a desert island. In fact, let’s move all criminals to a desert island. Think about all the money and lives that would be saved. More than enough to take care of the homeless.
  5. Tristan supports closing the US Postal service. It’s losing money and every dog knows the evils of the mailman stealing letters and leaving bills that only cause our humans stress. While he’s at it the ex-mailmen should all be sent to the prison islands.
  6. Outlaw groomers and send them along with the mailmen.